A blog entry from A-Dancer Subaru’s blog, talking about him leaving A Troupe.

Visit Suba-log

—–

Past and Future
Written 9 May 2011

So many messages and comments.

Thank you so much for them.

I’m really glad to be receiving emotions and thoughts from everyone.

I really feel very sorry

to be late in saying the things I need to say,

such as making the announcement, and giving replies.

And while I’m sure there are many who know this already,

I will not be taking part in this year’s tour as Dancer Subaru.

This decision was made early last month, but because it concerns the performance, we couldn’t talk about it openly.

Therefore, I had to keep this to myself until the first 2 days of the tour are over.

I’m really sorry if the people who had been expecting me were left disappointed and discouraged.

And even though I can’t write about it in too much detail, I’d like to give a small account of everything that happened and how I am now.

Yes. I shall stop writing formally and return to my usual style.

I understand how troupe leader feels about changing her show and hence recasting all of us, to “put the right people in the right place”, so to speak.

Of course, she didn’t say those “unspeakable” words like “you should stop”, or “you should go”!

It’s just that, for this show, there is just no need for a character like Subaru,

I myself admit that it’s true. That’s all.

Of course, my feelings about wanting to stand on stage hasn’t changed, and even now, I spend my days feeling the same way,

but what is most important is that the show troupe leader wants can be realized. That is our foremost concern as creators of this show.

Thus, I never felt that I couldn’t accept this decision that she had made,

even though I know that many people support me, and were waiting to see me. I say “it can’t be helped”, but I was honestly hurt by the thought of it.

However, I am not the only one who had to make a painful decision.

Thinking about troupe leader, who must make these decisions as well,

I feel that it’s not my place to feel depressed or short-changed.

“This is just part of her wish. I still have my own role to play.”

Thinking that, I am living through my days.

Until the time when I am needed again, I will spend my time recharging and growing!

This is my realization.

That’s why, I am in an optimistic mood,

living my life and challenging myself with training,

with time and my surroundings as my ultimate limit!

My motto now is to “hope, and to answer to hope!”

I will do my best to grow. Yes.

Yesterday night, I received mails from many members

telling me that the first 2 days had ended successfully, and I felt a sense of relief.

I felt that “yes, they are definitely still holding together~!”.

From where I am,

doing what I can, I will walk on with everyone.

Unless I’m really needed elsewhere, I won’t be going away.

If there is a need for me sometime, I will answer with all my might.

Because there will be a need for me sometime, I will work hard now.

Subaru here will continue to

hope, and answer to your hopes!

The journey has just begun.

From where we are now, let’s all aim for “that place”.